The first thought was "I haven't taken my pill yet tonight." Then I realized, I've never been without medication for more than roughly 1 month EVER in my life. EVER. I was born with epilepsy, and was quickly put on an anticonvulsant drug, and have been on such a drug ever since. I've been taken off of my medicine before, but only to have a seizure within about a month, which is why "about a month" is my record of being without medication.
On that train of though, I got to thinking... I really don't know who I am without medicine. And I wish I could find out. I really do. Unfortunately, me without medicine is probably me having a ton of seizures, and might lead to me not really being me anymore because the multiple seizures could lead to brain damage or other problems. (Yes, it has been proven that seizures can cause brain damage. And yes, I probably have some minor degree of brain damage due to my life long fight with epilepsy. And yes, I think my memory is affected by my seizures too.)
As I was thinking about that, I started thinking about possible triggers for these recent seizures. As far as I can tell, some possible triggers include:
- Allergies
- Stress
- Workouts
- Exhaustion
I put exhaustion as a subcategory of workouts because usually my exhaustion is due to extensive physical exertion. Whether it be an actual workout at the gym, or working around the house (or construction/deconstruction in my mom's and/or brother's houses) or moving (myself or others) or whatever else I may be doing that is physically demanding.
And finally, I started thinking... I'm going to have a seizure within a couple of days. How do I know? I can't really explain that, but I'd be surprised if I went from right now to the end of the work day on Monday without another seizure. If I were a betting man, I'd put my money on the 4:00 hour Monday afternoon. Most of my recent seizure seem to be between 4-5pm while I'm at work, so that's what I'm kind of expecting right now. Plus, I worked out Tuesday and Thursday this week, putting Monday at the 6-day mark after the initial workout, putting it about in line with my previous theory.
Also, I would put money on this year being the first time I have a seizure at camp. (Or at least my first recognized seizure at camp.) Why? Because all the signs point to seizure that week. All of the possible triggers I listed above will be present: August is usually the worst part of the year for my allergies, there is more stress at camp than can even be expressed through some ridiculous analogy, and we are climbing hills all week and are always exhausted by about Tuesday. All of that on top of the 1-2 seizures I've had per month for the past few months... it all adds up to seizure during camp.
In all reality, having a seizure at camp is not a big deal. Seizures happen at camp - it's a camp for kids with epilepsy. However, one of these seizures may be a big deal for ME at camp. If I have one of these hour+ long partial seizures at camp, I'll be down for the count for roughly a day. They take all of my energy out of me, and I already don't have any energy to spare at camp.
My biggest fear is that one of these partials will turn into a full out tonic-clonic. It hasn't happened yet, but if it's going to happen, camp will probably be that time. Why? Because of my already low energy level, the extreme physical requirement of camp, and the ridiculous stress level. Hopefully that doesn't happen, but it is a fear of mine.
So, I leave you with some countdowns:
44 hours until I expect my next seizure will be (Hopefully that countdown is wrong, and it doesn't happen)
330 hours until I arrive at camp
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