Usually when I come home from camp I miss people for a couple days, but it's manageable. This year it's like I don't want to go into work, I don't want to come home, I don't want to look on Facebook, I don't want to do anything... I just want to be at camp with all of my friends.
I think part of it is me:
- I don't really like my current job, so I don't normally enjoy going into work, but right now it's worse than normal.
- I think some of it is the meds
- I have been noticing some mental differences for a while, and I've been kinda ignoring them thinking that it's because of the new job, or new apartment, or the many other changes that I've made recently in my life. But I'm starting to think it's the Keppra, and I think I'm going to talk to my doc about that. Maybe switch meds again. Idk.
- After hearing some other people talk at camp about being on Keppra and feeling angry, and feeling other weird things, I really think a lot of my imbalanced feelings are caused by the meds.
- I came home to an empty apartment after camp for the first time ever
- I'm used to talking about camp when I get home, and getting out all of my excitement... but I didn't do that this year. I think that might have something to do with it.
But I think some of it is just camp. There were a lot of awesome new counselors at camp, and I don't think I got to know them as well as I would like. I feel like I need more time with those people as much as I need more time with the "regulars".
Some of it is that I've gotten myself into such a routine at home that my life has become fairly boring outside of things like camp. Routines are great for forming habits - and I've formed a routine to start working out and eating healthier - but routines are also boring. It's like I do the same thing all the time, and I'm just going through the motions of life. Camp is different. At camp we have a schedule, but every day still holds new and exciting things.
I also feel like I was building a fairly nice relationship with someone before camp, then during and after camp things seem to have taken a turn. There are a few people who might know what I'm talking about here, but not many. However, I feel kind of hurt by the fact that I'm suddenly second best, behind someone who is usually the reason for nothing but complaining. But that whole situation could be another blog post entirely if I wanted.
NOTE: If you do know who this is regarding, please don't post names publicly. I didn't state names for a reason.
Anybody have any ideas of how to get out of this rut and start feeling like me again? I've already outlined a few possibilities: Change meds - but that's a long process, talk to someone about camp - but that's hard to do during the week with my work schedule, change my routine - but I don't think that will really help as I've kinda already done that.
First thing is: I want to see some of my camp friends more often. Carrie and I have already started talking about seeing people more often, and we need to get others in on it too. But I need something to get me back on track now, so that things like that can happen.