In preparation of Epilepsy Awareness Month, my blog has gone purple a day early.
I'm not sure what else, if anything, I'm going to do this year. I may just post my facts from last year. I have been busy starting my own business, and getting ready to start a new job. Maybe I'll think of something though.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
It's been a while
It's been a while since I've blogged, so I think I'm overdue for an update.
I've been working on improving myself in every way - Personally, physically, professionally, medically, everything.
As most of you know I've been fighting to control the simple partial seizures that I've been having, and unfortunately I've been losing that fight. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to give up, I never give up. I'm increasing the dosage of my Lamictal (tripling it actually, over the next month and a half to 2 months ish) and I'm documenting everything that I can - seizure dates/times, duration, intensity, details of the seizure, details of the aura, everything I can think of. I will win this fight, it just might take some time.
Physically, I'm making HUGE strides. I'm down 30 pounds in roughly 6 months. People are starting to actually see a difference, and noticing that I have lost weight. Looking at the picture that they took of me my first day at eHealth (roughly 6 months ago) I can see chub in my face that isn't there anymore. I look and feel awesome. I'm starting to look like my high school self again. I've still got a ways to go before I look quite that good, but I'm well on my way.
I've lost so much that the HR person at work actually said to me "You look like you've lost a lot of weight" and I told her "Yeah, I've been eating healthier and I've been at the gym at least 2-3 days a week since I started here" and she responded "Good, I was afraid that something else was going on, but I'm glad to hear that it's intentional." - she actually thought that my weight loss was because of some medical issues. It's good news that it's not, but it's also good news that I'm losing enough weight to create that kind of concern!
Professionally, I'm working on making some changes to some of my existing apps (mostly Auto Respond) and I'm working on a huge project with some friends and my brother which will include an app, a website, and eventually some servers to push data to the app and website. I'm looking into making "Fifteen 15 Studios" an official company - probably starting with a DBA and moving forward from there - and if you didn't notice I'm officially changing the name from "1515 Studios" to "Fifteen 15 Studios" at the same time. The only decision I need to make now is to include a space in the official name or not - "Fifteen 15 Studios" or "Fifteen15 Studios". I've got some people working on logos and icons and things of the sort for both Fifteen 15 Studios and the new app/website. I've got a non-disclosure and non-compete agreement ready for when the business is official, and I might have some changes coming soon in my "day job" too; Details of which will hopefully be made public soon.
Personally, well all of this is just making me a better person, even the seizures. They have taught me, once again, to never take anything for granted. They have taught me how to fight through anything in life. They have taught me that I can work through them, and through any other fight that I may come across, regardless of how physically, mentally, and emotionally draining it may be. They have taught me that 7 years seizure free does not mean that they are gone forever. They have taught me what medicine can do to you, especially when you're on it your whole life and don't know what it's like to not be on it; And that has taught me how incredible my brain truly is when it's not bogged down by medication.
Plus I'm getting back into cheer, which I love. Starting with going to RIT's practices again, and hopefully joining a team again next year (most likely Core Athletix.) I'd like to start back into cheering regardless of the state of my seizures. I'm trying my best to train through the seizures, both literally and figuratively. I want to be able to have a seizure on a competition mat, and finish the routine despite the seizure. I want to be able to be sore from a seizure, whether it happened and hour ago or a day ago, and still be able to do anything that I need to do. I want to become physically and mentally strong enough that I can deal with anything, anywhere, and pushing through these seizures, the med changes, and pushing myself at practices and at the gym will force me to do that.
I am becoming the person that I was 10 years ago, only better, and that's an awesome person to be!
I've been working on improving myself in every way - Personally, physically, professionally, medically, everything.
As most of you know I've been fighting to control the simple partial seizures that I've been having, and unfortunately I've been losing that fight. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to give up, I never give up. I'm increasing the dosage of my Lamictal (tripling it actually, over the next month and a half to 2 months ish) and I'm documenting everything that I can - seizure dates/times, duration, intensity, details of the seizure, details of the aura, everything I can think of. I will win this fight, it just might take some time.
Physically, I'm making HUGE strides. I'm down 30 pounds in roughly 6 months. People are starting to actually see a difference, and noticing that I have lost weight. Looking at the picture that they took of me my first day at eHealth (roughly 6 months ago) I can see chub in my face that isn't there anymore. I look and feel awesome. I'm starting to look like my high school self again. I've still got a ways to go before I look quite that good, but I'm well on my way.
I've lost so much that the HR person at work actually said to me "You look like you've lost a lot of weight" and I told her "Yeah, I've been eating healthier and I've been at the gym at least 2-3 days a week since I started here" and she responded "Good, I was afraid that something else was going on, but I'm glad to hear that it's intentional." - she actually thought that my weight loss was because of some medical issues. It's good news that it's not, but it's also good news that I'm losing enough weight to create that kind of concern!
Professionally, I'm working on making some changes to some of my existing apps (mostly Auto Respond) and I'm working on a huge project with some friends and my brother which will include an app, a website, and eventually some servers to push data to the app and website. I'm looking into making "Fifteen 15 Studios" an official company - probably starting with a DBA and moving forward from there - and if you didn't notice I'm officially changing the name from "1515 Studios" to "Fifteen 15 Studios" at the same time. The only decision I need to make now is to include a space in the official name or not - "Fifteen 15 Studios" or "Fifteen15 Studios". I've got some people working on logos and icons and things of the sort for both Fifteen 15 Studios and the new app/website. I've got a non-disclosure and non-compete agreement ready for when the business is official, and I might have some changes coming soon in my "day job" too; Details of which will hopefully be made public soon.
Personally, well all of this is just making me a better person, even the seizures. They have taught me, once again, to never take anything for granted. They have taught me how to fight through anything in life. They have taught me that I can work through them, and through any other fight that I may come across, regardless of how physically, mentally, and emotionally draining it may be. They have taught me that 7 years seizure free does not mean that they are gone forever. They have taught me what medicine can do to you, especially when you're on it your whole life and don't know what it's like to not be on it; And that has taught me how incredible my brain truly is when it's not bogged down by medication.
Plus I'm getting back into cheer, which I love. Starting with going to RIT's practices again, and hopefully joining a team again next year (most likely Core Athletix.) I'd like to start back into cheering regardless of the state of my seizures. I'm trying my best to train through the seizures, both literally and figuratively. I want to be able to have a seizure on a competition mat, and finish the routine despite the seizure. I want to be able to be sore from a seizure, whether it happened and hour ago or a day ago, and still be able to do anything that I need to do. I want to become physically and mentally strong enough that I can deal with anything, anywhere, and pushing through these seizures, the med changes, and pushing myself at practices and at the gym will force me to do that.
I am becoming the person that I was 10 years ago, only better, and that's an awesome person to be!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Depression
I'm not sure if it's my lifestyle, or my meds, or the seizures doing something funky in my brain, or some of the recent events in my life that have me down occasionally, or a combination of everything, or something I haven't even thought of... but for some reason I'm having very strange, yet almost scheduled bouts of depression.
It seems that every day I wake up completely depressed. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to go to work, I don't even feel like eating a lot of times. When I get to work I have to try not to punch everyone in sight, I have to walk out several times to just get some air and try to control my feelings, I have to fight the urge to just scream out all of my frustrations. It was so bad the other day, that I literally walked out of my office, sat down in a chair in the building's common area, and cried while texting someone to try to get myself back to "normal".
Then around lunch time I start to perk up. I start getting a small amount of positivity flowing in. I start feeling "normal", and start hating everyone around me slightly less. Then in the afternoon/evening I tend to get excited, happy, energetic, friendly... all kinds of good things.
The day that I cried in the lobby - I left work that night excited about some new ideas with my "top secret app", almost jumping off the ground with joy. I was glowing with happiness, it seemed as if nobody could do any wrong to me. I talked to my brother about some ideas, and getting a business started, and icon/logo ideas, and everything went from worst day ever to sunshine and rainbows in roughly 6 hours or so.
It's almost like I'm bi-polar, but instead of the switch being immediate it takes an entire day to flip-flop from sad to happy. I don't know if it's just that I despise going into work SO much that I put myself into this state of depression, or if its one or both of the meds doing something weird, or if it's something else.
I see my neurologist next Wednesday to talk about the meds and where to go next - increase the Lamictal or try something new, since I'm still having seizures. I plan on talking to him about this too, to figure out if it's possible that the meds are causing this. I feel like it is possible, but I also don't think that I'll know for sure until I either change my lifestyle/job or change the meds. Right now it's just a fight to not do something stupid every morning.
It seems that every day I wake up completely depressed. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to go to work, I don't even feel like eating a lot of times. When I get to work I have to try not to punch everyone in sight, I have to walk out several times to just get some air and try to control my feelings, I have to fight the urge to just scream out all of my frustrations. It was so bad the other day, that I literally walked out of my office, sat down in a chair in the building's common area, and cried while texting someone to try to get myself back to "normal".
Then around lunch time I start to perk up. I start getting a small amount of positivity flowing in. I start feeling "normal", and start hating everyone around me slightly less. Then in the afternoon/evening I tend to get excited, happy, energetic, friendly... all kinds of good things.
The day that I cried in the lobby - I left work that night excited about some new ideas with my "top secret app", almost jumping off the ground with joy. I was glowing with happiness, it seemed as if nobody could do any wrong to me. I talked to my brother about some ideas, and getting a business started, and icon/logo ideas, and everything went from worst day ever to sunshine and rainbows in roughly 6 hours or so.
It's almost like I'm bi-polar, but instead of the switch being immediate it takes an entire day to flip-flop from sad to happy. I don't know if it's just that I despise going into work SO much that I put myself into this state of depression, or if its one or both of the meds doing something weird, or if it's something else.
I see my neurologist next Wednesday to talk about the meds and where to go next - increase the Lamictal or try something new, since I'm still having seizures. I plan on talking to him about this too, to figure out if it's possible that the meds are causing this. I feel like it is possible, but I also don't think that I'll know for sure until I either change my lifestyle/job or change the meds. Right now it's just a fight to not do something stupid every morning.
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