Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. It's a fact of life. Most people learn from those mistakes. They analyse the results of those mistakes, and change the outcome of similar situations that may occur in the future.

Generally, I am one of the best people around when it comes to this cycle of making mistakes, learning, and changing. But there is one place in my life that I have always failed to correct my mistakes. One thing that I've continually failed to change my behavior based on the outcome of previous encounters, and recently I have been thinking about one particular failure to adapt. I've had many chances to correct my mistake, and each time I just continued as if nothing had changed. But things do change, and sometimes you are given multiple chances for a reason. Unfortunately, those chances eventually stop coming, and that is when you truly recognize the consequences of your decisions.

My chances to correct my mistakes are finally coming to an end, and I don't know what to think about it. I am seeing things as they could have been, and am second guessing my actions every day. All along people told me that I was being stupid, and asking "why?" (or more like "why not?") and I never listened. I never had a good answer to "why?" and that should have been a clue to me that I was just being stupid, being stubborn. I've tried, so many times, to tell myself that I had a reason for my decision (or indecision, as it may be.) I always had a reason, but never a good reason. Now that I've run out of reasons, I don't know what to do except to accept things as they are and try not to let it get to me too much. I can't change things now, so even though I've run out of bad reasons to continue to make a bad decision, I guess it's time to just sit back and watch the party.



I know that people tend to hate ambiguous posts, and that some people think that it's a cry for attention. Truth is, I just need to get some things off of my chest. A lot of you have no idea what this post means, or what it refers to, but some of the people who are closest to me will understand. There is at least one person who will likely read this and will understand, and that person is the one who needs to understand, because that person never did understand my indecisiveness. Now I guess I'm the one who doesn't understand myself.







The great white buffalo.