More Seizures

Yesterday I had my first seizure in 25 days. Then another one today, and I'll probably have at least one more by Wednesday. That seems to be how they work; They tend to come in groups.

I've gotten to the point that I can predict some of these seizures days in advance. I could feel this one building up for about 3-4 days before it happened. I don't know how to explain it, but I just knew it was coming and was simply waiting for it. I can't predict it to a specific time or even a specific day yet, I just know that it's imminent.

It was probably around Christmas, maybe the day after, that I started just waiting for it. It was only a matter of time before it came, and I was doing my best to figure out what I could do to prevent it. I'm still working on that part. I haven't been to the gym since Monday, but I don't know if that helped or hurt. I tried getting some extra sleep, but again I'm not sure if that had any effect.

I have most, if not all, of my seizure since May logged in 3 different places - my Google calendar, an app on my phone, and an excel spreadsheet where I can try to follow trends.

According to my spreadsheet the longest that I have been without a seizure, since I started the log, is 35 days, average days between seizures is 10.76, most of my seizures happen on Mondays and Fridays, and there have been 5 times that I've had seizures on back-to-back days.
I don't know what else to track at this point. I'm trying to make an excel formula to determine the max number of consecutive days in a row with a seizure (right now the most is 2 days in a row, but that could change) but I can't figure out how to format the formula. I found some formulas online that claim to work, but they don't give me any results (not even wrong results.) I can't really find an average seizure duration because most of the time it's basically impossible for me to find an exact beginning and end to the seizures, so my time is not very exact.

I'm still on both Keppra and Lamictal; I'm still feeling some of the side effects from the Keppra (emotional side effects,) I'm starting to feel some side effects from the Lamictal that are similar to what I felt with Tegretol (mental slowness) and I'm still having seizures, so I really don't know where to go next. I need to talk to the doc again and see if we have any other options. :-(

I'm so sick of playing with my meds, and trying to figure out if what I'm feeling is because of side effects of medication or because of some lifestyle change, and getting blood taken almost monthly, and feeling overall crazy because my body chemistry is constantly changing. Part of me wants to go without the meds for a while, since I'm still having seizures even with the meds, but part of me also says that it has been almost 9 years since my last tonic clonic, and that I might have one if I come off completely. I'm terrified of the thought of having more tonic clonic seizures, and what the possible consequences could be - physically, mentally, socially, financially... it could change everything.

I'm just straight up torn right now, and I'm starting to lose it. I've been doing this whole medicine thing for about a year and a half now, and it's starting to wear me down.