EEG Results

I promised a blog about the results of my EEG and here it is...

I didn't hear what I expected to hear this morning. I saw written on the single results page the same word that I've seen on every results page of every EEG I've ever had - "unremarkable".

What does that mean? It means that there was nothing of interest in the results of my EEG. The EEG during which I had a seizure occur, still showed "unremarkable" results. The single page document even noted my remark to the person who administered the test - that I had "symptoms" during the test after the hyperventilating portion.

I was not myself today after hearing this disappointing and extremely shocking news. I had no idea how to feel. I was disappointed, angry, upset, sad... think of every bad feeling you've ever felt: I felt that all at one time this morning. (And they came back occasionally throughout the day.) I actually came close to tears a couple times this morning, because I thought that I would finally have some new information and instead I walked away empty handed.

What did the doctor say? A bunch of mumbo jumbo about why it possibly didn't show up, which sounded to me like a kid making an excuse as to why he doesn't have his homework done. Then he said to continue on the increased medicine dosage and let him know if I have any more episodes. News flash - the stress that I put myself through this morning after hearing this news caused at least one more to happen today. (I think it was more like 3 or 4 throughout the day. Small, but there.)

Then he said that if they continue, we can do a 24-hour EEG, which can be administered at home and I can keep a journal of any "events" that occur throughout the day. They will use this journal to look at certain time stamps and see if there is any new data. So his plan is to have me sit around all day with a cap on my head to find another unremarkable test result. Sounds like a fun day to me.

As you can probably tell from the tone of this, I am still very upset about the lack of any new information and I really don't know what to think or feel. It seems like the more I think I know, the less I can confirm what I think I know. (Did you follow that? It makes sense, I swear.)

I really just want some answers. Why have I been having seizures for 28+ years? Where do they come from in my brain? How are they affecting me, other than the obvious? And most importantly right now - How do I trigger one, and what do I need to do to let you capture it? I will force myself into a seizure if I know how to do it, and I know that you are capturing data. I just want to know more about me, and my seizures, and how to stop them, and what the hell they are doing to me.

It's extremely frustrating. 28 years and I know little more now than my parents knew 28 years ago.